You’ve probably heard the old joke. “Grandma,” asks the little boy, "did you ever think of divorcing Grandpa?” Grandma looks sweetly at her inquiring grandson. “No, Bobby, I never once thought of divorcing your Grandpa. I thought about killing him, but never divorcing him."
I think little Bobby can understand his Grandmother. Of course, she is not talking literally about killing her husband, but all of us can understand the normal frustrations that arise between spouses over the years. It’s hard enough to live with ourselves, but marriage demands that we live with another person, another ego with needs and desires. And then come the children: children often enough that we had not planned, but that we accept with joy from God. So in our families, we learn to live with others, and we learn to live with ourselves. We learn precise social skills and means of collaboration, and acceptance of life’s contingencies. There is no better place to learn life than the family. That’s why God invented it. And that’s why God came to save us through a family. The holy family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Pope Benedict writes this: "The family is the privileged setting where every person learns to give and receive love…" The family is the school of love, where we graduate upon leaving home with an MBA in love, understanding, brotherhood, self-giving—all the good stuff in life. Benedict goes on: “the family is an intermediate institution between individuals and society, and nothing can completely take its place…. The family is a necessary good for peoples, and indispensable foundation for society…a unique good for children…the family is a school which enables men and women to grow to the full measure of their humanity….” Nothing can replace the family. If we have social problems, we don’t have to look any farther than our families for the cause. For the cause, and the solution. Strengthen our families, and you strengthen everything about our society and culture: the economy, national security, the arts and sciences, the school system, the health care system. Everything depends on the family.
I don’t need to tell you that the family is in trouble in Europe and America. All of us have suffered from the epidemic of divorce, either in our own marriages or in marriages of those we love. Children are growing up without parents, which leads to all sorts of dysfunction and tragedy in society. I was listening to a University President speak recently about how colleges these days must teach basic social skills to their students: proper dress, punctuality, neatness and basic hygiene, how to address others and speak clearly, etc. Normally we learn these basic personal skills at home, but so many young people no longer have a home capable of training its own children. Adding to our difficulties is our deep confusion about the very definition of marriage: is it a man and woman, or two men, or three women and a man, or what?
Let’s turn briefly to the Scriptures for answers:
From Sirach 3: “God sets a father in honor over his children; a mother’s authority he confirms over her sons.” In other words, obeying our parents is obeying God. Mom and Dad act with God’s authority. I’ll never forget watching the movie ET in 1982. Stephen Spielberg portrayed the boy’s parents as imbeciles, and the children as superior and independent. No society can survive this chaotic role-reversal very long.
In Colossians 3 we read: “Brothers and sisters put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another….” These are basic values that enable a family to function, and they are the exact opposite of what we see on just about every TV show and movie. St. Paul continues: “Wives, be subordinate to your husbands… husbands, love your wives and avoid any bitterness toward them. Children, obey your parents in everything…” God has given men and woman and children distinctive roles. We are all equal, but not the same. We each have a distinct role to play in our families. Men and women, parents and children, are granted equal dignity by God, but distinctly different roles.
And finally, in the Gospel, we see the marvelous example of St. Joseph, who served as father of the holy family. He obeyed God, and provided for his family, without making a big noise. Four times he received instructions from angels: take Mary into your home; take her and the child to Egypt, etc. Each time he got up and did what God asked. He obeyed God by exercising his authority as husband and father, and authority of sacrificial service. Was Joseph the perfect husband? No, but he was the faithful husband. I’m sure he made mistakes, but Mary was patient with him.
So grandma was right: she never thought about divorcing grandpa. She knew that she could never stop being the mother of her husband’s children. Yes, she got angry at him, exasperated. Yes, she had to leave the room at times, even go back to her mother for a day and a night. But she came back to Grandpa, with all his faults, and strove for heartfelt compassion, kindness, and patience, bearing with him and forgiving him. Can wives still do this today? Can husbands do this for their wives? I think we can. I know we can, with God’s help. We will always have divorce, and some marriages were mistakes from the get-go. But when half of us are separating from our spouses, that means that we are not trying hard enough. We are not depending enough on God’s grace.
God said to Peter, “For man [lifelong, faithful marriage] is impossible, but not for God. For God, all things are possible.” So I renew my plea from yesterday, from my Christmas homily. Pray together. Learn to pray the rosary together. This is your homework. Pray the family rosary.
I think little Bobby can understand his Grandmother. Of course, she is not talking literally about killing her husband, but all of us can understand the normal frustrations that arise between spouses over the years. It’s hard enough to live with ourselves, but marriage demands that we live with another person, another ego with needs and desires. And then come the children: children often enough that we had not planned, but that we accept with joy from God. So in our families, we learn to live with others, and we learn to live with ourselves. We learn precise social skills and means of collaboration, and acceptance of life’s contingencies. There is no better place to learn life than the family. That’s why God invented it. And that’s why God came to save us through a family. The holy family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Pope Benedict writes this: "The family is the privileged setting where every person learns to give and receive love…" The family is the school of love, where we graduate upon leaving home with an MBA in love, understanding, brotherhood, self-giving—all the good stuff in life. Benedict goes on: “the family is an intermediate institution between individuals and society, and nothing can completely take its place…. The family is a necessary good for peoples, and indispensable foundation for society…a unique good for children…the family is a school which enables men and women to grow to the full measure of their humanity….” Nothing can replace the family. If we have social problems, we don’t have to look any farther than our families for the cause. For the cause, and the solution. Strengthen our families, and you strengthen everything about our society and culture: the economy, national security, the arts and sciences, the school system, the health care system. Everything depends on the family.
I don’t need to tell you that the family is in trouble in Europe and America. All of us have suffered from the epidemic of divorce, either in our own marriages or in marriages of those we love. Children are growing up without parents, which leads to all sorts of dysfunction and tragedy in society. I was listening to a University President speak recently about how colleges these days must teach basic social skills to their students: proper dress, punctuality, neatness and basic hygiene, how to address others and speak clearly, etc. Normally we learn these basic personal skills at home, but so many young people no longer have a home capable of training its own children. Adding to our difficulties is our deep confusion about the very definition of marriage: is it a man and woman, or two men, or three women and a man, or what?
Let’s turn briefly to the Scriptures for answers:
From Sirach 3: “God sets a father in honor over his children; a mother’s authority he confirms over her sons.” In other words, obeying our parents is obeying God. Mom and Dad act with God’s authority. I’ll never forget watching the movie ET in 1982. Stephen Spielberg portrayed the boy’s parents as imbeciles, and the children as superior and independent. No society can survive this chaotic role-reversal very long.
In Colossians 3 we read: “Brothers and sisters put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another….” These are basic values that enable a family to function, and they are the exact opposite of what we see on just about every TV show and movie. St. Paul continues: “Wives, be subordinate to your husbands… husbands, love your wives and avoid any bitterness toward them. Children, obey your parents in everything…” God has given men and woman and children distinctive roles. We are all equal, but not the same. We each have a distinct role to play in our families. Men and women, parents and children, are granted equal dignity by God, but distinctly different roles.
And finally, in the Gospel, we see the marvelous example of St. Joseph, who served as father of the holy family. He obeyed God, and provided for his family, without making a big noise. Four times he received instructions from angels: take Mary into your home; take her and the child to Egypt, etc. Each time he got up and did what God asked. He obeyed God by exercising his authority as husband and father, and authority of sacrificial service. Was Joseph the perfect husband? No, but he was the faithful husband. I’m sure he made mistakes, but Mary was patient with him.
So grandma was right: she never thought about divorcing grandpa. She knew that she could never stop being the mother of her husband’s children. Yes, she got angry at him, exasperated. Yes, she had to leave the room at times, even go back to her mother for a day and a night. But she came back to Grandpa, with all his faults, and strove for heartfelt compassion, kindness, and patience, bearing with him and forgiving him. Can wives still do this today? Can husbands do this for their wives? I think we can. I know we can, with God’s help. We will always have divorce, and some marriages were mistakes from the get-go. But when half of us are separating from our spouses, that means that we are not trying hard enough. We are not depending enough on God’s grace.
God said to Peter, “For man [lifelong, faithful marriage] is impossible, but not for God. For God, all things are possible.” So I renew my plea from yesterday, from my Christmas homily. Pray together. Learn to pray the rosary together. This is your homework. Pray the family rosary.
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